


Living on Empty

by Chicory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Series, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1475905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicory/pseuds/Chicory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Dean's hedonistic tendencies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living on Empty

**Author's Note:**

> This is yet another old drabble. While I was editing this I added a few things so if it somehow reads weird, any part, then it'd be totally awesome if you could be so kind as to inform me and maybe leave some constructive suggestions/criticism? And since I have only read like, a handful of gen stories from Supernatural I do not know if something similar to this has already been written. If there has been, then I sincerely apologize. Also, in my mind this is practically gen but it can also be read as unrequited Dean/Sam.
> 
> Other than that, as always, I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Only this drabble and all the mistakes herewithin are mine.

Dean learned a long time ago not to ask for things.

Things get swallowed up in flames, disappear in ash and smoke and grief so it was better not to have them in the first place. Even the toys Dad sometimes remembered to buy him for a birthday, _you want that one, Dean_ _,_ were forgotten in a row of apartments and motel rooms that were all lost in the stains of memory. It was better to ask for something practical, something concrete, something he could use to protect Sammy and Dad; like ammos and guns and knives.

Sammy, though.

Sammy never learned how not to want things. Asked for toys and books and ethereal things you couldn't hold steady with your own two hands. Dad's reply was always a stern _no, we don't have any money, now stop crying, Sam, it isn't going to help you_ _,_ but sometimes, when it was just him and Sammy and a couple of bucks to spare, Dean would buy him something small, inconsequential; like tin soldiers or toy cars, something cheap that made Sammy happy anyway, all dimpled smile, just for Dean.

Like Dean was the goddamn center of the universe.

Maybe he never wanted Sammy to get it. Never wanted to be the one to teach him that when you can't get what you want then you take what you can get. The easy girls, the junk food, the cheap booze were all fleeting, insignificant moments of pleasure, easy to leave behind and gone in the next second. It was fun and casual, more tangible than dreams and hope that never really existed in the first place.

Maybe Dean just waited for Sam to understand it himself before unattainable hope would wear him down and he'd burn out like the ghosts they were hunting, bitter and angry and lost in something he couldn't have.

But then Sam did learn something, all on his own like Dean had wanted and he should have known better than to want anything. Sam learned there was more out there than just Dean—and their fucked up family and their fucked up lives. And then he was already half out the door before Dean could figure out how to make him stay.

Truth was, Dean had always thought they were the same. Sam's hope for a future that didn't involve anything of their lives. Dad's hope for a revenge that didn't seem to have an end in sight. Dean was the only one who went from one hunt to the next, satisfied if by the end of the day his family and someone else were still standing.

That was all the constant he needed. Sammy and Dad, a solid case and one more evil son of a bitch put to rest.

That was all he wanted, for the rest of his life however long that may be, but Dean learned a long time ago not to ask for things.

Because turns out they weren't the same at all and when he watches Sam leave for his bright and brilliant future, leave him, Dean thinks that's just life proving him right all along.

You can't get what you want then you take what you can get.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
